It is no secret that men and women cope with stress differently. When infertility creeps in upon a relationship it is often one of the first true crises that a couple encounters. Infertility is on the rise. Greater than five million people of childbearing age in the United States will experience infertility (Domar, 2002). Infertility is defined as the failure to produce a pregnancy that results in a live birth after six months of attempting conception for women over the age of 35 and one year for women under the age of 35. 

Typically, the most common marital issues that couples struggle with are sex and money (Domar, 2002). With infertility, couples struggle with both. What was once a fun and carefree adventure of “creating life” may become a chore and lead to internal pressure to perform.  Eventually both partners may associate sex with failure, frustration, and anxiety. 

The cost of infertility treatment may be in the thousands of dollars. This has the potential to compound the couples issues related to sex and finances to a higher degree. Unfortunately, few couples have health insurance that covers multiple procedures or any procedures at all. This leads towards big decisions and discussions over whether to take out a loan, borrow money from family, and/or deciding how much they want to invest in this unpredictable process (Domar, 2002).

Along with sex and money, infertility can also interfere with work, family, and friends. Strong feelings of jealousy, rage, and longing arise and are communicated and shared in different ways. Since most people are unprepared for infertility, the grief envelopes them as they cope with hopes and dreams being different than they planned. While stress does not cause infertility, infertility definitely causes stress (Domar, 2002)  

The good news is that two-thirds of infertile couples who seek medical intervention are able to give birth (Domar, 2002). Eventually couples do move through the infertility chapter in their lives, whether it ends with a biological baby, an adopted baby, or a choice to be childless. 

The goal in the therapy process is to provide a safe environment for couples to reconnect and find ways to support each other. Helping couples stay mindful and in the present moment, finding new ways to stay intimate, and listening to each others needs, will not only help them through infertility, it will also provide a foundation of mutual support as their life continues on. It has been said that infertility is like riding a rollercoaster with anticipation, nervous-excitement, and some jerks and twists along the way. As therapists, our role is to provide the mindful support, and remind them of all of their choices that are in this amusement park called life.

 

Reference:

Domar,Alice D.(2002). Conquering infertility: Dr. Alice Domar’s Mind/Body guide to enhancing fertility and coping wit infertility.New York: Penguin Books.